The John Report Wrestling Blog

Yesterday we reported that Evan Bourne has once again been suspended from the WWE for violating their wellness policy. This time it’s 60 days instead of 30, and if he does it again he gets a nice tout bag filled with some assorted candies.

Oh wait, no he doesn’t, he gets f**king fired.

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Feel free to write your dumb "I took an arrow to the knee" comments below, or leave them in hell where they belong. I mean, come on guys. Seriously.

Ever since I’ve taken over the Smackdown reviews (which you should totally read right here, I mean come on guys don’t be rude) I’ve had to cut down on the Headlines, because I mentally shut down if I write more then 3,000 words a week and don’t get paid for it. Okay you got me, I’m lazy, are you happy? Anyway, while the other guys are doing a fantastic job (I really mean it, they’re so good at it they’re starting to make me look bad, the assholes) with their respective days, having to share the little bit of wrestling-related news with so many people can be a tad trying. Headlines is kind of my baby and I love each of them like you probably do your children; you clearly like some more then the others but still care about them all to some extent, even that short one that’s kind of dumb and you know you won’t be setting up a college fund for. Read more…

OTA Presents: My Top 10 Royal Rumble Moments
By Mike Aires

What up, Aireheads? Welcome to 2012!  After a somewhat slow news week, the first Raw started off with a bang seeing Chris Jericho return and basically have every fan in the world do exactly what he wanted them to.  But you are going to read too many things about a guy who didn’t say a single word this week that I figured you might want to focus on something else:  The Royal Rumble.  The 25^th anniversary of the Rumble is fast approaching, so what better time to discuss my favorite moments from past Rumbles?  Now, with every Top 10, I remind everyone that this is my own personal views.  Due to this fact, plus the fact that I didn’t start watching the WWE until later in my childhood, there will be more new moments than old.

So what moments make it?  How many non-royal rumble matches make it?  Let’s find out.

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WTF: TNA IMPACT REVIEW FOR 12/29/11
By Marc B.

Welcome to the last Impact review of 2011. It’s been fun covering this company for the last ten months. I look forward to seeing what the New Year brings. That being said, let’s get on with the review, shall we?

Impact opens with the usual video package, this time focusing on the Knockouts storyline of Madison Rayne taking over for Karen Jarrett as Vice President of the Knockouts Division. As soon as that’s over, we are greeted by Madison and Gail Kim, and Madison immediately calls out Tara and Assmacher, who oblige. Read more…

WTF: TNA Impact Wrestling 12/21/11
By Marc B.

Ho Ho Ho! Merry Whatever You Believe In! This is a special holiday edition of WTF! Why is it special? Because I’m writing it on Christmas Eve, that’s why. It still has the familiar snark that you have come to love, so without anymore useless chatter, let’s get on with the show!

They start with a video package of the Bobby Roode storyline and his feud with AJ Styles. Anyone else think that this feud could have been played out a little better? Oh wait, this is TNA. They don’t know the meaning of the words “slow burn.” During the video, they show a clip of Bully Ray saying he has Bobby Roode’s back. Wait, did I miss a memo? Didn’t Fortune and Immortal beat the shit out of each other for nearly a year? How can Bully have Roode’s back so quickly? I mean at least show me where Bully and Roode form a weird alliance. Show me the apology. This happens all too frequently in wrestling. Face fights heel. Face turns heel or heel turns face. Now the two faces or heels are friends even though they fought for months. No ‘splanations at all. I just wish history would be recognized.

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WTF: TNA Impact Wrestling 12/15/11
By Marc B.

Good day to you loyal followers. I welcome you another edition of WTF, the IWC’s #1 TNA related column written by a grown ass man who thinks he’s a Muppet. This episode deals with the fallout from the Final Resolution PPV. Are you ready for excitement? Are you ready for thrills? No? Then you have come to the right place. At least you have my sarcasm and sharp wit to get you through this. Are we ready? Let’s go…

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WTF: TNA Impact Wrestling 12/08/11
By Marc B.

Hello again, you gaggle of misfits! It’s everybody’s favorite time of the week: My Impact review! Or as it is better known, ‘the Sunday piece.’ Are we all tucked in? Well, here we go….

Impact opens with a video package that sums up the main angles: Bobby Roode’s battle with “Consequences” Sting and Kurt Angle’s feud with James Storm. Our beloved (or not) commissioner is out first. Sting immediately calls out Bobby Roode.

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WTF: TNA Impact Wrestling 11/24/11
By Marc B.

Welcome to a very special Thanksgiving episode of WTF! I hope your holiday was a great one. That being said, let’s see if TNA served us a turkey, shall we? See what I did there? That’s called a “play on words.” I am so freaking clever.

They open with a video package of James Storm blaming everyone for his concussion then being jumped again by the real culprit, Kurt Angle. Then our Olympic hero comes out.

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Fireside Chat #5
By Mike Aires & Marc B.

Aires:  It’s been a while.  Never heard from you when I was up in New York.  What gives?  Loved it up there though.  I may be from Oklahoma but I’m a city boy, and I could totally live within an hour or so of NYC.

Fozzie:  I had to work that whole weekend. I had no time for anything. But I will be in Manhattan Sunday for Survivor Series, so that should be fun.

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Good morning you Princes of Iaukea, you King Kongs of Bundy. Sorry I wasn’t around on Monday, but my wife’s computer broke in the middle of a big project she was working on, and grad school work comes before pro-wrestling (I guess). Because of this I’m a little late to the game on commenting on this ridiculous piece of merchandise. A few thoughts, after the jump.

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WTF: TNA Impact Wrestling 10/20/11
By Marc B.

Welcome to THE BIGGEST WTF! COLUMN OF THE YEAR!!!! Or, maybe not, but it has to be since this week’s Impact promises to be THE BIGGEST IMPACT OF THE YEAR. I feel like I have to make ridiculous promises as well. This is the episode that follows Bound for Glory, which was, ahem, THE BIGGEST PPV OF THE YEAR, at least by TNA standards, which means it wasn’t great. Bound for Glory was more disappointing than a free agent signing with the Mets. (Hey Johan Santana, how you doing?) On with the review!

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In case you didn’t notice, TNA’s self-proclaimed biggest pay-per-view of the year Bound For Glory was this past weekend, and it was about what you would expect from said company; mainly a lot of hype with a disappointing pay-off. Kind of like all of my birthday parties growing up. What kind of birthday clown spends the whole evening drinking “clown juice” out of a brown-bagged bottle and crying on your shoulder about how his wife and kids don’t respect him, instead of making balloon animals and getting hit in the face with pies? I should have asked for a magician. That was the second worst 8th birthday party I ever had.

I’m off topic. If you didn’t watch Bound For Glory (and don’t feel bad because barely anyone did, even when they were giving away free tickets) than you probably don’t know that in a surprise finish, Kurt Angle actually retained against up-and-coming TNA original Bobby Roode who was the heavy favorite going in to the show. In a move that shouldn’t surprise you, it’s being reported that Hulk Hogan is the reason the title stayed on an older established star while the younger guy in need of an opportunity was thrown under the bus. Naturally, people are a little miffed at this turn of events.

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